Super Mario Fiasco

Mishap #1

A few weeks ago, my boys, inspired by the plot of the Nintendo game Super Mario Sunshine, decided to recreate part of the action in their own neighborhood. Sounds harmless enough, yes? Just a simple game of pretend perhaps.

In Super Mario Sunshine, Mario has been falsely accused of spreading "sludge" or "goo" all over the tropical paradise town of Isle Delphino. I didn't know this, because I don't play this game. I know this now.

"Sidewalk Paint" vs. Paint on the Sidewalk...

Son X (age 9) came to me early in the morning on the fateful day, asking to use all of the rest of a bottle of cleaner because he wanted to fill it with some sort of concoction (glue? dye? I hadn't had an entire cup of coffee yet...) to spread around "outside." This was met with a decidedly negative response. He mentioned paint -- I mentioned the word NO several times. I talked about the severity of defacing property, and how hard it can be to clean concrete.

I then remembered that we had a bottle of something called "sidewalk paint." It was water soluble. Perfect! Problem solved. "Use the sidewalk paint," I said. "No, you CAN'T put it on the SIDE of the house," I said. "It's SIDEWALK paint; it goes on sidewalk."

We had an understanding. So I thought. I went back to my task of the hour -- whatever it was -- I don't remember now. Maybe folding clothes, maybe writing an email.

Dabbling in the Dark Side...

They used the pink sidewalk paint, son X and little brother-sidekick son Y. Then they decided to try something else: the small can of exterior trim in the garage. Like Dark Mario, the real perpetrator in Super Mario Sunshine, the young punks decided to spread their "paint-like goo" all over the sidewalk, our driveway, neighbors' driveways, even on some of the neighborhood park equipment -- which desperately needed to be replaced, but was still graffiti-free up until now. It was off-white paint, thankfully, but it didn't match the concrete white. At some point in my homebody reverie, son Y fessed up to the crime down the street...all down the street. "Son X told me to do it!!" he tried as an excuse.

Graffiti Artists Learn Crime Doesn't Pay...

I dragged the perpetrators to Home Depot. Unfortunately, at Home Depot, there were no "Floods" (the mechanical hero of the Mario game which tidily cleans up the "paint-like goo") on sale. I consulted with the paint department staff, who suggested a large bottle of "Crud Kutter" and a large wire brush.

I ran into a middle-aged couple I knew, who laughed at my predicament. Their kids were grown.

Back home, we mixed the Crud Kutter with water. We sprayed it in the most critical areas: neighbors' driveways. We scrubbed, we rinsed (with a giant tub of water I transported down the street in the back of my van). We scrubbed and scrubbed and rinsed and scrubbed. We got some of the mildew off of the sidewalks and some of the paint. A neighbor girl (who had nothing better to do) helped us. Most of the neighbors were gone, doing last-minute Christmas shopping and Christmas events on a Sunday afternoon. Most of the evidence is still there. It was likely oil-based.

We told some neighbors. We could have told more... I wondered if the Home Owners' Association would fine me for this. I took the boys' games away for a week. I talked about vandalism and scared them with threats of the law and police. I told them I could get in big trouble for their misdeeds. Guilt is always a good tactic in cases like this.

Valuable Lesson Learned: Put the paint OUT OF REACH and emphasize the severity of vandalism.